How much do you have to do today? How full is your calendar? How many tasks are there in your inbox? Okay, now the tough one, how many emails will you have to ignore today because there isn't enough time?
If you know me at all lately you know that the answers to some of those questions for me would be unbelievable. Write down all the things you've done over the last five years. All the brainstorming sessions, tasks, errands, and projects. Now do those over the next three months. That's pretty much been me.
I told my supervisor, Randy, the other day that some days it feels like all of these plates are spinning and you have to select which one you're going to let fall. Some days you just know you're going to need some new plates. But in my field that isn't an option. A plate is a relationship and those can't be bought.
This is the stress level I've been living with lately. It's manifested itself in my relationships and in my body. My wife is amazing. She is so supportive but some days she just looks at me and doesn't know what to do.
All this climaxed this weekend. Through a set of circumstances that I was unable to control (not that I couldn't but just wasn't able to) I was left heartbroken, or at least just broken. I wrote my resignation (I'm not turning it in, it was just a creative exercise to get some stuff out).
The next night my family watched the movie Facing the Giants. I've heard from many people that they felt the turning point of the movie was a scene were the coach encouraged a player to finally give his 100% towards the team effort. To not give up. The player achieved more than he thought he could.
That may well have been the climax but certainly not the turning point. The turning point was the night before. The coach completely in despair, did the only thing he knew. He turned to God. In what was an amazing scene his wife wakes up and sees and empty pillow beside her. She looks up to see her husband in his study reading. She turns, gets on her knees and prays.
Oh to have that faith that the first place I turn was to God not to my own understanding. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Tonight my wife and I were watching Charlotte's Web. Have you figured out I love movies (maybe I should write why one day)? Thirty minutes or so into the movie Wilber finds out his fate. He isn't a pig, he's pork. He's crushed. He cries out "I want to live."
Charlotte drops down and tries to console him. This leads her to a promise to save him. When he asks how she doesn't know but reconfirms her promise. Wilber accepts that and walks away.
Oh to have that kind of faith. His very life is on the line but he trusts his existence to a spider he can barely see. But we have a Big God. Our God is eternal, immutable, self-sufficient, wise and just. How much more should I lean on Him.
As I was talking this through with Sarah we started naming off the times God has been faithful. We've seen many miracles just in the short time since we've been married. God has protected us and our family.
Why then when faced with times of trouble am I not on my knees? Why do I think Outlook and I can tackle anything?
If we ever understand the grandeur of God we couldn't be paid to get off our faces.
Go back and look at the answers you had to the first questions I asked. Confess how many times you think you could solve the problem. Reflect on how much you prayed about each.
I heard it attributed to Ben Franklin (although I've also heard rumor he was an atheist) that he once said, "I often find myself so busy that I don't have time not to pray."
Psalm 9 says:
9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
_SL
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